Happiness.

 

“When I say I get happy when other people are happy or when I say that I get my dose of happiness from other people, there is a general assumption that I’m a very selfless person.
But let me tell you that is it the most selfish and evil thing ever. 

When another person is happy, I feel happy myself without any worry or malice, why? Because it’s theirs, I have no fear of losing it because it was never mine to keep in the first place.”
I wrote that bit a long time ago, when I was in a very bad place. (Maybe someday I’ll tell you guys about that story. )

It was in my notes, I read it over the years, but today I shared it because I’m over with that part of my life. I have finally taken the step to try to not let my past get in my present and effect my future.  I’m okay with sharing it.

Earlier, I started living in other people’s happiness because it was comforting to know that it could never hurt me, it was calming to know that so many people around me are happy and even if I’m not I can always pretend to be. It was the easier choice, I was running away from something I should’ve faced up front but don’t we all hate confrontations at some point in our lives?

The irrational fear of losing anything that would make me happy, or having it taken away from me solely because it was mine always lurked behind me like a snake waiting to bite but I feel that I’m an alright person now.

I’ve learned to be happy for a while now, without giving any thought to the so called consequences of happiness as per say.
So this post goes out to all people who are going through a rough patch in their lives. Trust me, it will get better. For me it took a lot of time, I’m not going to lie but it did happen in the end and I’m glad I didn’t let it consume me completely.

Some part of me was always safe somewhere inside of me, waiting for the rough times to go away so that I could let it heal me again.

No one but you can make things happen for you, be it good or bad.

Take the advice from someone who knows. :’)


Much love, 
Ana.

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